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SAN FRANCISCO — man who make virginity pledges get strong social backing to desist from sex before the hymeneals night , but that support go away soon after they bond the international nautical mile , Modern inquiry evoke .
These men are also taught to call up of sexual urge outside of marriage as animalistic and foul , but sacred within a marriage , according to a unexampled study presented Aug. 17 , here at the 109th American Sociological Association meeting .
As a result , malevirginitypledgers can be somewhat confused and lose when it comes to sexuality after marriage , order study investigator Sarah Diefendorf , a sociology doctoral candidate at the University of Washington in Seattle . [ The 10 Most Surprising Sex Statistics ]
" They spend the first 20 - something years of their lives being told that sexuality is incorrect , " Diefendorf tell Live Science . " They ’re have a bun in the oven to make this modulation from the beastly to the sanctified , but they do n’t really have the tools to be able to do that efficaciously . "
Staying vestal
Overall , virginity pledge failto keep youthful work force and women from having sexual practice , inquiry has designate . But most studies of thechastityvows looked at the great unwashed - pledge events , such as the Silver Ring Thing , where throngs of teens at a concert - similar venue make a vow to abstain from sex until their wedding days . pocket-size , focused chemical group who make virginity toast have a well running record of go on that promise , Diefendorf said .
Some of pureness culture ’s most visible aspects are aimed at cleaning lady : At purity balls , girls as young as 3 years old pledge their virginity to their Padre until marriage , while abstention - only curricula liken cleaning lady who have antenuptial gender to chewed - up piece of gum . But in Christian evangelical subcultures , military man take virginity pledge , too , Diefendorf said . [ Sex Ed , Abstinence and Contraception ( Infographic ) ]
unassailable financial support
To help men stick to these vows , many church go under up small radical , where valet help each other as they struggle with temptations likepornography , onanism and premarital gender .
In 2008 , Diefendorf first carry several consultation with men in one such modest group , called The River , which was imprint at the Message of Truth , a nondenominational mega - church in the Southwest . The group of 15 humans met hebdomadally to support each other in their struggles to remain abstentious , and many became close friends .
" They have these unbelievably honest and open conversation about sexual practice and sexuality and various struggles with that , " Diefendorf enjoin Live Science .
The world also created an intricate system of accountability to one another , with member texting each other phrases such as " Are you behaving ? " to make certain other pledger were n’t viewing porno , masturbating or engaging inillicit sexual behavior .
In the darkness
But by 2011 , when Diefendorf return , 14 out of 15 of the man had marry , and the church service radical had disbanded . Though the men remained friends , they did n’t talk about gender .
" The church learn , before marriage , keep it in the light — they want these human to be talking about these issues so that they exert their toast , " Diefendorf say . " But post - marriage , the church teaches : keep it in the shadow . "
Most of the men said they view talk over their sexual practice life as inappropriate and disrespectful to their wives . But the man also felt uncomfortable talking directly to their wives about sex , and said they wished the church would put up more guidance after marriage , Diefendorf pronounce . Some still fight with a desire for extracurricular sexual activity or porno , but did n’t have an exit to discourse it , she added .
The result was that , though their marriages may be happy and sound overall , " when it descend to their sex lives , that ’s where they are struggling , " Diefendorf said .
